Lessons learned along the way

You can never repay kindness; you can only pass it on.
When my blood counts bottomed out, sometimes I just couldn’t do anything, no matter how badly I wanted it. My mom and my husband’s aunt Carolyn took turns traveling to our house to help. Our neighbors, friends and co-workers helped so much, bringing food, taking the kids to school, going to the treatments with me, sending cards and much more. The incredible outpouring of kindness and support we got was overwhelming. Later at Camp Bluebird, I told my friend, John, who had multiple myeloma, how I wished so much to pay these people back for everything they did. “You can never pay them back, you can only pass it on,” he told me. That was a powerful, life-changing lesson.

Go ahead and make plans; just don’t fall in love with them.
Joy had lung cancer with brain metastasis. One night at support group she was telling us about upcoming trips she had planned and we were all talking and laughing with each other when a newly diagnosed newcomer to the group interrupted to say she did not understand how we could laugh and make plans when things seemed so grim and uncertain. Joy said something I will never forget. “It’s all right to make plans, just don’t fall in love with them.” Truly wise advice for anyone.

Suit up, show up and shut up.
In the spring of 2007, I signed up to walk a half marathon with Gilda’s Gang. The 14-week training schedule was the first challenge. We met every Saturday morning at 7 a.m. to do our long walks, starting at 3 miles and increasing to 10. It was January. I was full of complaints: It’s too early. It’s too cold. It’s raining. It’s snowing. It’s too hot. It’s too far. I’m tired. On and on. Over the next 14 weeks, a lesson in humility, gratefulness, grace and unrelenting spirit came to me in the person of Gail Addlestone.

Two and a half years earlier, Gail had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer when she was pregnant with her only child. She had to deliver her baby early, have a mastectomy, and start chemotherapy. When I met her, she was facing treatment for a cancer recurrence in her bones, brain and liver. Despite the chemo, radiation and steroids, she never failed to show up for training with a smile on her face and enthusiasm in her voice. I was given the privilege to walk many miles with Gail. So I stopped complaining and my motto became “show up, shut up and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”